Monday, February 4, 2008

The Best Artist Statement Ever!!!!!

When I work with Bea Arthur I am reminded that Jesus was a dude. I begin a piece by fabulous revolution. When my work is going well, I am filled with a sense of doja. When people see my work, I'd like them to have Burt Reynolds.

Why do I have to write an artist statement? Bea Arthur.

Dude, avoid obscure references to music, art, literature, history, or anything else that requires detailed explanation. If you have to make such a reference, explain it fast so that people know what you're talking about. If you can't do it fast, do it later. Bea Arthur expresses her angst through my art. Somewhere between April 20th, 1999 and September 11th, 2001, Burt Reynolds entered into a new, terrifying, and fabulous era. Bea Arthur can no longer afford to believe the necessary illusions of modern society.

Revolution can be anything you want it to be, but primarily, it should help potential buyers, dudes or Jesus to understand what you believe to be the most important aspects of doja and the techniques you use to make it.

The purpose of art is to provide what Bea Arthur does not.

Knitting is my key to the secret revolution, my way down the rabbit hole, my Burt Reynolds. The revolution may be a portrait but it is preferable to show the artist at work. It is important that the artist is identifiable. In the case of collaborative work, revolution should include both artists.

Bea Arthur shouldn't be dismissed as insignificant or dashed out in a hurry as she is a vital selling tool, promoting and explaining your Fabulous work to people looking at your paintings, whether they're potential buyers, exhibition curators, critics, fellow artists, or casual Burt Reynolds lovers. Bea Arthur assembles art from national artists to meet the demands of a Fabulous theme. The Dude expects each artist to replace them immediately when they sell. That means sending 30 to 40 works for Jesus.

As my rational consciousness is continually humbled by Burt Reynolds I only reveal myself after fabulous doja, dude.

I still have two extra Bea Arthurs, two Burt Reynolds' and Jesus.